


Glimpses from the Fade

by Iamnamedsilence



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Lots of Angst, what is DA but lots of angst with some fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:50:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3296042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamnamedsilence/pseuds/Iamnamedsilence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Glimpses into stories of Saliya Mahariel, Melinda Hawke and Lyenne Lavellan</p><p>Collection of drabbles, scenes and shorts that come to my head as I play. Written for my own satisfaction, cleaning my head from emerging images & English practice</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

THE CHOICE

 

He knows he needs to find someone: at least one person to help in the dark times that had just begun. He doesn't have much time and he knows this one person could in the end change the outcome in what's coming. So he needs to go.

Where? There are so many places, where he could find a suitable person. So many paths. So many struggles right now, and in each a strong, honorable person could be lost. The dwarves in Orzamar are always entangled in schemes, no matter if the are of the highest or lowest caste, but so are human nobles, very far from unity, like if the long years of occupation didn't learn them anything about working together. The mages closed in the Circle struggle against the dark sides of their powers and there is always at least one of them who would use an opportunity to escape. The elves, pariahs in human society, are always good in survival, no matter, if there were born in the alienage or in the Dalish clan. It's up to him now.

For each hero to be born others must die.

Duncan makes his choice.


	2. Chapter 2

BEFORE THE STORM

 

Long before it all started the elves had come.

She was watching them from the top of the hill, as they traveled in the distance: the red sails above ship-like wagons pulled by gracefull white hallas.

The elves set their temporary camp near the town. They stayed just for a few days, enough time for humans to trade with them, not enough for distrust to wake. She visited the camp and found pleasure in watching the elves. They appeared fascinating for her.

She didn't manage to talk to them a lot. Not this time. After they went east, she thought she'll never meet them again. But she was wrong and this was just a begining.

A few weaks after the elves left, a Warden was travelling south. He was in a hurry and looked disturbed. He didn't want to speak of what was happening.

Peacefull times were over.


	3. Chapter 3

SHE WAS WRONG

She feels his body pressed to her back.

'Oh, my dear, I think I've just cautht you unguarded' he wispers into her ear. His hand slides on her stomach. 'I might have my chance to backstab you in the end... Are you afraid?'

'I'm thrilled' she answers.

She is laughing and provoking him, but she is indeed scared. No, not that he might kill her. She is afraid becouse she knows she had fallen for him already. And that is wrong. She will never get love from him.

But she might die any day now, so why deny herself some pleasure?

And love? Maybe there isn't even time for it.


	4. Chapter 4

THE PROMISE

 

She lies in his arms with her eyes closed. A moment ago she looked relaxed but now she is tense again. Like all the touch, all the love-making didn't took place. Something inside her must be broken. What happened? What really happened?

'Zevran...' she says. 'Do you love me?'

Weird question.

'I spent half a year away' he says 'Without touching any other woman. Or man. I don't love you, I'm just getting old and my body had problems to perform.' He starts to laugh. 'Of course, I love you.'

He kisses her forehead. The tension from her body doesn't disappear.

What really happened?

'I want you to promise me something.' she says.

Her voice is quiet, words are slow.

She is scared. He tries to remember, if he had ever seen her this scared before. Before she went to fight the Archdemon, as she thought she was going to sacrifice herself? No. Not even then.

He tries not to show, that he begins to be afraid too.

'Yes, love? Anything.'

She takes a deep breath.

'One day... when the Calling comes... I want you to be there for me and kill me.'

He is silent for a brief moment.

'Yes' he says.

'You'll finish your task in the end' she tries to joke.

He should laugh. He can't. He just holds her tight.

'What happened?' he asks.

'I've seen... enough broodmothers. I can't risk becoming one. I must be sure I'll die. And you won't hesitate.'

'I won't' he agrees.

He knows he wouln't. One day he will do what he just promised. He will kill the woman he loves. In the end it all ends with blood.

He holds her, kisses her. Tries to forget that their last kiss will be the moment she dies.

'Don't think about this now' he says between the kisses. 'We still have time.'

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

NOT SO DIFERRENT

 

'You know' Zevran says suddenly, breaking the silence. 'I have one tip for you.'

Fenris doesn't want to listen. He makes a displeased noise. The other elf seems not to acnowledge it.

'Leaving. Going your own way' he continues. 'Leve her. Only for some time, of course. Not permamently. But if you both have your own matters to attend and they keep you separated for a while... months, sometimes... well, it can be hard, but the excitement you get... the longing and reunion... And I can assure you, the sex after you reunite is crazy.'

Zevran smiles to his thoughts. Thinking that he will soon see his love again makes him excited.

'I'm not going to be separated from Hawke' Fenris says. 'Never. I go where she goes.'

'Well, if that is good for you... But we are doing it constantly. I have my problems, she is in charge of the Grey Wardens and sometimes can't just leave them... Of course, it's hard to leave sometimes. Sometimes she threatens to chain me. Not that I'd have something against a bit of chaining...'

'Say it again' Fenris demands. His voice is harsh.

There is a sudden moment of silence. Zevran looks at the other elf and the ususal careless smile dissapears from his lips.

'I'm sorry' he says. 'I didn't mean to. Not that I can relate, but... I was a slave myself, you know. They sold me to the Crows when I was a child.'

'So you know nothing.'

'No. No I don't' Zevran admits. 'It wasn't so bad in the end. Painfull at the begining, yes, but this life had it's profits and I learned to enjoy it. But I'm not blind, you know. I had it relatively... easy. So I'm sorry. Again.'

For another breif moment they lie in the silence. Zevran puts his hands under his head. Looks at the darkening sky.

Hawke still isn't back.

'So, Fenris, tell me, there must be some things that you do for pleasure. Except making love to Hawke I mean' Zevran says in the end.

'Wine' Fenris answers. 'Books.'

'Killing' he adds after a moment.

Zevran sits and laughs.

'Killing! Seriously? Now that is something I can relate to! This thrill when you overwhelm your oponent, the power you have over them...'

'The satisfaction the bastard no longer lives' adds Fenris.

'Well, yes. So we have some things in common after all, you see'

'Not that I like you' Fenris answers, turning his back on the other elf.

'Pity then. It happens sometimes.'

Zevran doesn't seem concerned. Whatever comes through his mind right now, stays there. He doesn't insist and Fenris realises he apriceates this. The assassin is annoying, but not so bad in the end. Especialy when he is silent.

Hawke is back. Her hair is still wet and she looks clean, at least as clean as one can be on the road. She looks at both elves, who are silent now.

'So you two still didn't kill each other?' she asks.

'He is no mage. I have no reason to kill him.' Fenris says.

'Actually we were doing some bonding here' says Zevran

'No, we didn't'

Hawke laughs. She sits on the bedding, brushes Fenris' hair a little, then lies beside him, wraping her arm around him,

'You didn't' she says. 'Go to sleep, love. Tomorow we reach Vigil's Keep.'


	6. Chapter 6

REMAINS

 

The door opened with a creaking sound. Inside the room was full of dust and Hwake couldn't stop herself from sneezing. Three years. That much time must have passed untill she had enough coursge to open her mother's room. And she wouldn't do it if she hadn't been persuaded by Bethany.

She looked ad her sister.

'So. Here we are. That's the hard part.'

'Mel' Bethany said 'You don't have to do it, you know. You can leave me here and...'

Hawke shook her head.

'No. This is what I need to do. What I needed to do long time ago. I just... Well, I'm glad that you're with me.”

They entered the room. Everything inside remained untouched since Leandra's death. The only thing that had been removed were the lilies, but then Hawke locked the door and even Orana wasn't allowed to clean the room. Sole opening the door would be too painfull, and so it was now. Bethany's presence make it a bit easier.

Hawke never lacked courage: or at least she liked to think of herself that way. Always eager to fight, always ready to throw a joke, even in most crucial situations. When a fight was needed, she rushed in without hesitation. And yet facing mother's empty room was much worse than every danger she met in her life. For three years she didn't open those doors and she would not, if she was to stay in Kirkwall any longer. But she was leaving and Bethany deserved to get some of mothers posession.

Bethany deserved them more than Hwake herself.

Was it an illusion, or did the room smelled of lilies?

No, it did not. The only thing both women could smell was the faint scent of Leandra's perfumes left on the clothes, on the bed, inside the half-emptied bottle that stood on the dressing table.

There was a dress on the bed, a fine orlesian silk embodiered with silver thread. Leandra bought it a few days before her death and intended to wear it at the wedding of her friend's daughter. Hawke was invited too and had negative feelings about it. She didn't go in the end and the wedding was postponed either way, due to Qunari crisis.

That was this moment when everything started to fall apart.

Bethany opened the drawer. There was a wooden box inside, full of jewelery. All the pretty jewels Leandra bought for herself or got from her oldest child. Wearing them she felt like a noblewoman again and she enjoyed it. She enjoyed her life among nobility, the residence, meeting her childhood friends again.

Hawke looked at her sister opening the box and taking out the necklace made of pale pink pearls and delicate golden beads. It would look good with the orlesian dress, if Leandra even had the chance to wear it.

...but the last thing she wore was the awful parody of a wedding dress...

Hawke sat down on the bed. She felt a little dizzy. She didn't want to touch those things.

Bethany didn't feel much better. Her hands were shaking, as she took out the jewels, and as she found the locket Leandra got from her husband, she started to cry silently.

'You... you should keep it, I think.' Hawke said after a moment of silence. 'Keep all you want. It's yours.'

Bethany tourned around. She still held the locked in her hands.

'You don't want anything...?' she asked.

'No. I'll be leaving soon, so... No, I don't need anything.'

She would feel like all the keepsakes from her mother would bring ghosts withe them. Ghosts far worse, than those brought by the piece of lyrium idol keept by Bartrand.

Bethany sat by her sister, warped her hand with fingers.

'Mel' she said 'Do you have to...?'

'I can't stay here anymore.' Hwake answered. 'I just...can't.'

'You have friends here. And I'm here'

Hawke looked ad her sister, shooh her head.

'Why won't you come with me?'

'The Circle... well, what left of it... thay need me. I can't...'

'And I can't stay. I don't think I'm wellcome here after what happened.'

'Cullen Rutheford is a resonable man!' Bethany protested.

Her sister shook her head again.

'He is. But the others... No. I protected the Circle. Sided with a bloodmage. I was friends with the man that blow the Chantry. I might be the Champion, but I'm also a dangerous person. I need to leave. You could go with me.'

She said the last words without hope. She knew already what Bethany's decision is.

'If I'll go, I'll be an Apostate again. No. I'm sorry, Mel, but that's not what I want. As I said: Cullen Rutheford is a resonable person. If he is in charge, I'll be safe. And someone needs to take care of the survivors. Not all of us want unsafe freedom. The Circle is safe, wehn managed proprely. I'll try to make it that way.'

'So I'm loosing you again.'

Bethany warped her arms around her sister's neck.

'I... I'm sorry Mel. I wish you to stay, you want me to go. None of us will change her mind. I... I understand. I won't stop you. I just... I'll miss you. I'm missing you already. I look at you and the person I see is not Melinda I knew... I can't stop thinking what happened...'

'Kirkwall happened' Hawke answered.

Blight happened. - she thought. Ostagar happened, Lothering happened, Carver happened, mother's death happened, the Qunari happened, Meredith happened, Anders happened.

It's not that she couldn't feel this urge to throw in a joke anymore. But she felt more bitter, more broken inside. She lost almost everything she had and now, when she had bethany back, she was loosing her again.

She hated Kirkwall. A few months ago she told the king of Ferelden – her king – that she likes it here. Now she felt like it had been a lie.

'Where ara you going now?' Bethany asked.

'Home I think... back to Ferelden, I mean. I like the king.'

Bethany laughted.

'I heard he isn't the best king ever.'

'He is a great man, a hero, he has lots of charisma. I've met him and I liked him. I think he will take me in if I offer him my service. I'm going to try. That is better than nothing, I believe.'

'I just...' Bethany frowned. 'I just can't believe You'll going alone. Leaving your freinds.'

'They have their own lives. They'll go their own ways. And I won't be alone.'

Bethany smiled.

'That is one good thing in all of this. Good luck you two. I suppose it was hard?'

'I needed lots of patience' Hawke admited. 'But it was worth it in the end.'

'I believe it always is. I... I met someone in the Circle... He is a good, sweet boy. Was wounded by the Templars during the fights, but survived. He is another reason I need to stay. I want to,'

'It's ok. We both have our lives now.' Hawke answered. 'I just want you to take care of yourself... of mother's belongigns. You can do whatever you want. With the house, with this' she showed the room and all the items inside. 'I know this is too much, maybe you'll have to search a good place to deposit it all... Or give something to our cousin... Decision is yours now.'

'And you don't want even a keepsake?'

'I don't deserve it.'

'Why?'

Hawke sighted.

'I let it happen. I killed the wrong man believing he is the killer. If I looked harder... Then maybe... maybe.'

'You're blaming yourself.'

'Wouldn't you?'

Bethany sighted, clutched her sister's hand.

'Mel, I understand. I'd feel as guilty as you do. And to think, that Orsino was responsible too... I've never felt so betrayed in my life. But you did everything you could.'

'And yet after three years I had to force myself to go into this room.'

'I can understand why you're leaving. It would be too hard for me too if I was in such a situation'

Hawke noded. Too much blood soaked Kirkwall's sreets. Blood of people who should never died or whose blood she would rather avoid to spill. All the choices she made was neccesary, but painfull. Not always right, not alawys good. If she could change the past...

But she couldn't. Leandra was dead, and so was Anders. The Arishok died, although Hawke never wanted to kill him. Marethari sacrificed herself to save Merrill. People died on the streets and in the exploded Chantry. Over the years Hawke realised, that she escaped havoc caused by the blight only to face her new home falling into chaos. Sometimes she had this feeling like the Maker chose her as his plaything, sending her all the disasters just to look when she breaks. She didn't break. She suspected that as the days pass she will be back to her old, joking self. But she needed to free herself from this city's walls, from dark, dirty alleys, from the places bringing back peinfull memories. Escape. Back to Ferelden, maybe. Maybe somewhere else.

 


	7. Chapter 7

FINISHING

'So what did you do with them?' Hawke asked.  
The Warden shruged.  
'And what do you think? How could I agree to his offer? There was few people I wanted to kill more than him.'  
Fenris, who sat still and silent during this part of the story moved in his chair. One couldn't tell by his face what comes to his mind.  
'Actualy' Zevran said. 'That was I who killed him. I just cut his head of.'  
Fenris turned his head suddenly, looking at the other elf.  
'I think I might like you after all' he said.  
Zevran stared at him surprised.  
'What have you just said?'  
Fenris just kept looking in silence. Zevran noded slowly.  
'So I'm trying to be nice to you since we've met' he said 'And it turnes out all I needed to do is to say that I once decapitated a Magister.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally based on what happened to me during my 2nd Origins playthrough (with the same Warden, because I love her too much :P). I don't remember who killed Calaudrius the first time i played, so I keep this version as my canon.
> 
> Although the conversation here and whole situation with my ladies meeting each other could become non-canon anytime soon.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A longer story this time.
> 
> In which Fenris dissapears for a longer time and Mel is probably more worried, than she should be.

NIGHTMARES AND WOUNDS

 

The man was faceless. She had never seen him before, yet she knew who he was. She could recognize him everywhere and she could nothing, but hate him. It was the hatred filling her when she looked into the dark space in place of mage's face.

She said his name. Spat it out.

The mage laughed.

'I heard about you too. He screamed your name, you know? I was surprised, to be honest. How loyal he could have become to someone, who stole him...'

She gnashed on her teeth, clutched the hilt of her sword. The secound thing she wanted to do was to kill this man. Violently.

The first one was to know.

'What have you done to him?!'

There was a smirk on mage's face.

'He was just too stubborn, unfortunately, and I had to kill him. Such a shame. But I could not put such amount of lyrium to waste, so...'

He held something in his hand and when he showed it to her, she could do nothing, but scream.

***

Melinda Hawke sat on her bed, breathing heavily. The nightmare lingered still in her mind, made her shiver in the warm, summer night.

Her dog, that sleept beside his mistress bed, rose his head and look at Hawke.

'Bad dream, boy' she said.

The dog jumped on the bed and lied his head on Hawke's lap. She sighted, but instead to order Fluffy to go away, hug him. Better the mabari than noone at all.

'I have at least someone to hold now' she said and shivered again. She knew to well, whom she would like to have in her bed now. To see him sleeping by her side, alive and safe.

'If I've only knew, where are you right now, you stupid, stubborn elf' she said quietly, pressing her cheek to the side of dog's head. 'But no, you had to leave and you said nothing. As always.'

Each time Fenris left she had this fear that he won't be back. It appeared for the first and only time after they spent a night together and Fenris left suddenly. She was scared then that he will leave Kirkwall, but he didn't do it. But over the years that followed it happened that he disappeared for a few days, a week or two sometimes. Each time Hawke feared this is the end and each time the elf returned she felt relieved.

Now Fenris was gone for more than a month and Hawke got more and more worried. The nightmare she just had was a proof.

She could not go back to sleep, too afraid that the nightmare will be back. And she just couldn't bear seeing the last image again. She still had it under her lids. To horrible, to even think of it.

'That's it' she said to the dog. 'We are going. I need some air, and you go with me, boy'.

The mabari barked happily. Hawke patted his head and went to get dressed and to put her armor on. About an hour later she was in the kitchen, looking for some food to take with her. The dog walked beside her as silently, as such a huge beast can be. And in the end it was not the dog, that made the noise, but Hawke herself.

She opened the pantry, looked at the food inside. The Orlesian cheese smelled bad even for an Orlesian cheese, but on the lower shelf there was a baking pot with pate made by Orana two days ago.

'Well, this will do' Hawke decided, taking the pot out.

She could be wiser than taking it with armoured gloves on her hands. The pot slipped out of and crushed on the floor.

'Oh Blight!' Hawke cursed.

Trying to pick up the remains of both baking pot and the pate turned out to be dificoult, especialy while the armor made too much noise.

'What are you doing, mistress?' she heard.

Orana was standing in the kitchen door, sleepy, with messy hair.

Hawke got up.

'I didn't mean to!' she exclaimed.

'I'll clean it up!' the servant ansewred, rushing to get the cloth.

'I made the mess!' Hawke protested. 'I didn't want to wake you up!'

'But that is my duty, mistress. I'll clean it! And why by the Maker were you doing in the kitchen in the middle of the night?'

'I'm going out and I need to take some food with me. So I thought...'

'You should have wake me up, mistress! But while I'm up I'll pack you something.'

Meanwhile Fluffy decided to eat the pate and clean the floor at least a little. If he swallowed any shard of the pot, it didn't seem to affect it.

'So, mistress, what do you want to take with you?' Orana asked. 'There was a good cheese in the pantry'

'It smells horribly. No, I don't want it. The pate was good.'

'And now the dog got his brekfast.'

Fluffy barked happily and wagged his short tail. Hawke pated his head.

'Well, at least you ate something good.

Another half an hour later she was finaly out, with food in her backpack and the happy dog by her side, hedaing out of Kirkwall, towards Wounded Coast.

The air outside smelled of the sea salt and herbs growing on the rock and dunes. In the distance Hawke spotted a small campfire. Wanderers, adventurers, bandits, smugglers, slevers or all of the above? If the people who decided to spend this night on the cost were dangerous, she would at least have something to occupy herself with. A good fight is always appriceated. And if those people were slavers she could have the feeling she is doing something at least a little good. And that Fenris, wherever he was now, would appriceate.

She sightet again. Damnn stubborn, broody elf. If he planed to leave for such a long time he could at least leave a message. It was not unusual for him to stride on Wounded Coast, to visit each and every cave used by slavers as a hideout, leaving a trail of dead bodies behind him. Worse, that he also managed to built some kind of a legend. The freed slaves spread it: a story of a white-haired elf with a sword almost as big, as himself and with glowing lines on his skin. Of some hearts torn out by a glowing hand.

How much time is needed for the legend reaching Tevinter? Hadriana died more than two years ago and her master could easily track her and connect her dissaperance to the rumors. Hawke had tried to talk to Fenris about it, but the best she could get was a smirk on his face. The elf said, that attracting Danarius is what he in the end wants to achieve.

'Ok' Hawke had said to him. 'I understand. I'm more than eager to help you killing the bastard, but you're putting yourself at risk.'

He hadn't answered.

'Damn stubborn elf' she told to the dog, that barked in the response. 'Come on, boy. If there are slavers by that fire, we mitht find him.'

That was what she wanted: make sure Fenris is safe. A month is too long. Enough to be worried. Enough for the nightmares to come.

'You're stupid, stupid woman, Mel Hawke' she was saying to herself while climbing the hill to see the fire better. 'You care too much. You want too much. He left you. He never wanted to talk. You had him once and that's over. He is too stupid, too stubborn, too hurt and to scared. He can be your friend, but nothing more. You should have choose Merrill. Why not. You picked the wrong elf, Mel. That's it.'

Below the hill she saw a cirque surrounded by the rocks, with a shallow cave on one of the sides. At the entrance of the cave a fire was burning and there were several people sitting and lying there. Hawke saw weapon stacked aside, some armor, one man standing leande on the rock – cleary to guard the cave and whatever there was inside.

'I think, we are lucky, dog' she said. 'And they're not.'

She was never good at sneaking at people. Actually, she couldn't sneak at all. Yet this time she made an attempt to came closer and try to watch the people in the camp. There was always a chance that just attacking them wasn't th best idea – espiecialy when she was alone. Not that they looked particulary strong, but still...

She moved onward, trying to take cover behind the rocks and to make as little noise as possible. Then she stopped and listened to the people talking.

'And the night is almost over' one of them said. 'And we're still alive. Maybe we put too much guards?'

A blonde woman beside him shruged.

'Better safe than sorry' she said. 'Various bad thing happened to lots of people here.'

'Yeah, I heard' – the man answered. 'But Liam stayed here last year and nothing happened. I guess those people who come here to make some killing cannot be every place every time.'

'Apparently, I wouldn't mind if I could' Hawke said to herself.'

'Well, the ship comes today and we leave safely with merhcandise' the woman said.

'I bet you won't' Hawke murmurred. She felt an urgent itch in her hands. She really, really wanted to kill someone and really hoped those people were slavers. It would make her feel better, at least for some time.

'Well, the morning comes. We have some time... And the boss sti isn't back'

The blonde woman shrugged again.

'What Devera is doing is complicated. Special assigment, you know. Hunting this one can took a longer time... We will wait on board till she's back from the caverns.'

'Hope she is back in time. I doubt our ship will wait long enough.'

'She will be, Mace, she will. You won't get your chance to take her buissness.'

The woman stood up, looked eastward. The sun was rising.

'Get up, people!' she screamed. 'Get up, we need to be ready when the ship comes'

Soon there was rush in the camp, some of the people started to put the armour on, somebody started making brekfast.

Hawke thought of the food Orana gave her and felt hungry. Yet it wasn't moment for eating, while she still didn't decide what to do with those people and they could notice her anytime.

'Move, scum!' she heard someone screaming in the cave.

One of the men dragged chained people out: humans, elves, even one dwarf.

'No I was right...' Hawke said, reaching to the hilt. 'Good'.

One concerned part of her mind expected seeing a dark skinned and white haired man among the captives, but no, nothing like this. Just tired, thin and scared people. One child with fresh bruisesn on his arms. One elven girl pressing remains of a torn dress to her breasts.

'Now that is too much' Hawke decided and stepped out from her hideout.

The armour made lots of noise and attracted slavers attention. They froze for a moment.

Hawke smirked.

'Am I coming at the wrong moment?' she asked. 'I'd do it sooner, but I don't enjoy killing sleeping people. It's just... not satysfying.'

The slavers were looking at her, still surprised.

The blonde woman was the first to react.

'What are you waiting for?!' she screamed. 'Kill her.'

'That is what I was waiting for' Hawke answered and rushed into fight. Her dog jumped beside her, knocking the nearest slaver down.

One of the men grabed the bow at shoot. An arrow missed Hawke by a few inches. The man wasn't standing far away: se could reach him in a few steps and hit him with a strong blow, that cut through his armor and reached the flesh.

Another jumped at her with a sword in his hand. She felt the blade hiting her ribs, the armor stoped it, but the blow was hard enough to hurt even if the body wasn't pierces.

Someone screamed. One of the captives, apparently. Hawke noticed them backing to the cave. Good for them.

She took a mighty swing and two other men fell. As she supposed: they wern't best of the best. Nothink she couldn't handle on her own.

But where was the blonde woman? Suddenly Hawke realised, she lost her from her sight.

Dammed rogue.

A dagger hit Hawke between the plates and reached the flesh. The blonde stood behind Hawke, taking out the dagger dripping with blood and attempting another strike. When hawke rised her sword, the rogue managed to awoid the hit and jumped away.

'No, you're not' murmurred Hawke.

Behind her Fluffy chewed on the throat of another slaver. Good dog.

The rogue dodged once more and striked her with both daggers at the time. One of them met the blade of Hawke's sword, but the other managed to hit.

The rogue smirked. Her men were dead, but she still wasn't and her oponent bled. Probably there was poison on the daggers, because the wound hurt as hell.

The dog jumped off the slaver's body and towards the blonde rogue. The woman cursed.

'I'd surrender if I were you' Hawke sugested. 'You're surrounded.'

'Fuck you, bitch!' the rogue screamed, jumping toward her oponent.

Hawke hit her with the hilt, knocking her down.

'No, thank you' she said. 'You're totaly not my type.'

She heard rush behind her. She turned around to see the slaves couming out the cave.

'Well, I have it covered, no thanks needed' she said. 'Have an eye on her' she told the dog and approached the captives.

Some of them had chains on their wrists nad ankles, some were just bound. She found a key in one of the dead slaver's pocket.

'You're free to go' she said, giving the key to the nearest of the freed people. It turned out to be the dwarf. 'I can't give you anything more, well, maybe those people's belonging.'

The dwarf noded.

'Thank you' he said.

'No problem at all. I needed some excercise.'

'We heard them talking' the elven girl said. 'We heard them talking that sometimes people die here... that someone kills the slavers on Wunded Coast.'

Hawke looked at the girl. She was scared, but there was hidden strength in her eyes. She was one of those people, who can find the strenght to fight the ones thet hurt them.

Like Fenris.

'Did they mentioned someone... specific?' Hawke asked.

'A man' the girl answered. 'An elf.'

Hawke smiled widely.

'And?'  
The elven girl shook her head.

'I don't know. They said there were rumors... this one' she pointed at the rogue 'And their boss... they laughted at it. Said whoever the elf is, he is not a threat.'

Not a therat.

That could mean more than one thing. Probably just that the slavers don't take the rumors seriously, but it also could mean that they know something and that Fenris' prolonged absence isn't just a coincidence. It was worth checking.

Hawke smiled at the girl.

'Thank you' she said. 'She will tell me more. And... Anybody of you is going to Kirkwall?'

'I am' the dwarf said.

'Good. I need you to go to the Hanged Man and find Varric Tethras. Tell him Hawke needs some support. That I'm all right, but I'll appriciate somebody's help'

While the freed people were looting the camp, Hawke used the ropes and shackels to restrain the rogue. Then she sat on the rock and finaly ate her brekfast. The Orlesian cheese turned out to be quite tasty.

Meanwhile the rogue regained conciousness. She looked at her captor with hatred in her green eyes.

'You know what?' Hawke said. 'I think that must be a breath of fresh air for you, to be the one in chains this time. I should give you peopel this chance more often.'

'Fuck you, bich' the rogue spat.

'You're not my type, sorry.'

Hawke finished to eat her brekfast. She didn't hurry. Of course, the secound group of slavers could return anytime, but on the other hand Hawke's friends would be on their way soon. So is she is lucky, both groups will have a good timing.

'So what are you intend to do?' the rogue asked after a prolonged moment of silence.

'I don't know yet... to leave you here, maybe? Of course after I deal with your boss. I don't want her to free you. But for now I need information. And if I'm satisfied with it I will consider sparing your life...'

'You're good' the rogue said. 'But the men Devera has with her are better than those you've just killed.'

'Let me guess... Your Devera has much more dangerous task than guarding chained people? What is it?'

'Like I told you!'

Hawke smiled.

'Oh. I know a place down the coast, you know, a nasty place where the earth is cursed and the dead come to life. You wouldn't like be left there, I'm sure. What's Devera's plan?'

The rogue hesitated.

'She had a special comission' she said in the end. 'From Tevinter.'

'Tevinter? Oh. I'm never tired to listen abut people from Tevinter. I basicly love them. Especialy the Magisters. Just tell me more.'

The rogue shook her head.

'There were rumors of someone who hunts slavers outside Kirkwall.'

'Yes?' Hawke insisted.

Damn my intuition. She thought. Damn my bad dreams. Damn the feelings I have.

'An elf.'

'Blight!' Hawke cursed, standing up rapidly. 'Blight!'

The slaver grinned.

'Oh. A friend of yours? How sad. Devera found him. She has him cornered.'

'She is dead.'

Rogue's smile got wider.

'Not a friend' she guessed. 'Your lover. That's sad and tragic. There was a special shipment requested for him. I've heard he is as dangerous, as valuable.'

Hawke approached the rogue and leaned towards her.

'She is dead' she reapeated. 'And so are you.'

The rogue spat in Hawke's face.

'We'll see she said.

'You won't' Hawke answered.

She took the dagger and cut the rogues throat.

As the others found her, she was sitting on the rock, with her hands shaking. The dog sat patiently beside her, chewing on someone's hand.

'No that's a mess' Varric comented, looking at the bodies lying around. 'What happened?'

Hawke shrugged.

'I just needed some excersise.'

'And it turned out to be more complicated?' the dwarf guessed.

'Well. Yes.'

'Slavers again I presume?' Aveline asked.

Hawke noded.

'And this one...' the guard capitan looked at the chained woman with her throat cut. She frowned. 'This is... unusual...'

'What should I say? She made me loose my temper.'

Anders shook his head.

'Really, Hawke, that is... unusual...'

Why did Varric brought Anders? Hawke wondered. The mage won't be glad once he hears it's about Fenris. On the other hand Anders' healing abilities are always usefull and it was quite a reasonable decision to bring him.

'You're wounded?' Anders asked.

'She stabbed me a little.'

The mage noded and cast a spell. The bleeding stopped.

Hawke noded at him.

'Thanks.' She said.

'So what is going on?' Aveline asked.

'Well, I woke up in the night from a particulary bad dream... and decided I need some air and maybe it would be a good idea to check if there aren't any problems on Wounded Coast. And I found this guys here and some people they wanted to put on the ship later. So I cleaned this mess. Or at least part of it.'

'There is much more.' Varric said. He was looking at Hawke carefully. 'You're upset and you're shaking'

She noded.

'Yes' she said slowly. 'There is. There were discussing the other group. Lead by their boss. So I knocked this one down and then interrogated her. She said her boss had a... special comission. For a very, very special person.'

'That is?'

'Fenris.'

Anders rolled his eyes.

'Dear Maker. What did this stupid elf get into this time?'

'Would you leave him?'

Anders hesitated before he answered.

'I... He would leave me.'

Hawke gave him a harsh glance.

'So you can go back to Kirkwall. I won't stop you.'

Anders was silent.

'Oh, come on, Blondie' Varric said to him. 'You're better than that.'

'Allright. I'll go. But only for you, Hawke.'

Hawke shrugged.

'Allright then' she said. 'Let's go.'

'Where?' Varric asked.

'Up the Sundermount. To the caves. We'll be doing some climbing and crawling some dungeons. Sounds like a good share of fun.'

'You know that you can't cover your fears with enthusiasm and joking, Hawke?' Varric asked later, when they were taking the parth towards the highert massif of Vinmark Mountains.

The caves where they expected to find Devera, her group and whoever was with them were situated on the southern slope, far, far below the valley where the Dalish clan chose to make a camp. Hawke hoped the slavers have no idea of elves' presence above. That would only made things more complicated and nasty.

'Nah, how could you guess?'

'Hawke. I know you for almost three years. You worry. And if you want to know my opinion, you worry too much.'

'Maybe' she admited.

'Fenris is strong. We are not sure they got him. We only know they were after him and it's possible he had already managed to get rid of them. He was in many bad situations before and always managed to escape them.'

'I know. I just...'

'You care. That is a good thing. I'm not saying you should go back and leave it. Whatever happend there right now we need to take care of those people, provided Fenris didn't do it already. And if he is there and if he already did do something, I can suppose he appriceates what you're doing. And I think that is what you really want. Am I right?'

Hawke sighted.

'Varric... please, I don't want your lecture.'

He laughted.

'No, Hawke, I'm not here to lecture you. You got my warning once. The rest was your decision.'

'And I made my choice, no matter, how frustrating it may be.'

'And I'm not here to question choices of one's heart. I can just wish you that it will turn to your good. And be happy the love of my life is always by my side' he smiled and patted Bianca's smooth grip.

The path was narrow, with a rocky slope on one side and percipice on the other. In the ancient times someone – either the elves of Arlathan or the Tevinters – had built a road here, paved the path with flat stones, that were now crumbling. Some parts of the pavement felt down the percipice, but in some places the stone steps made the climbing easier.

They went slowly, watching carefully for any sign of a possible ambush and traps. Until now they found nothing. No sign of slavers or their target, even no undead, that appeared sometimes on the slopes.

'Too calm, too easy' Anders comented. 'Are you sure we go the right way, Hawke?'

'We won't be sure untill we get there.' She answered.

Varric, who was a few steps ahead. Stopped and rised his hand.

'There is... oh, I'm right. A trap.'

Hawke smiled at Anders.

'You have your answer.'

'If they put a trap' Aveline said 'That means they are waiting up there. For someone.'

'Like us?' Hawke asked.

The guard capitan shruged.

'There were some places on the path where we were exposed. They might have noticed us.'

'Or they are waiting for someone else.' Varric answered. He had just finished disarming a trap. 'Either way, they are waiting and we need to be carefull. Just keep your weapon on tap.'

But although they found a few more traps, there were no archers waiting. Some time later Fluffy started to sniff in the air, then he barked a few times.

Hawke crouched down next to the mabari.

'What is it, boy?' she asked.

The dog barked again.

'Blood' Aveline said. 'He smelled it first.'

Varric smiled.

'Well, we might have one problem less' he said.

'Or one more' Anders opposed. 'Someone killed somebody up there. We don't know who and whom.'

'Don't get grumpy, Blondie. It doesn't suit you.'

'Come on' Hawke urged, going up the path, towards the caves entrance.

The smell of blood was distinct now and soon they saw the bodies laying at the ground, surrounding the entrance.

'That was hell of a fight' Varric said. 'Shame I didn't get to see it.'

'That was some time ago.' Aveline noticed. 'Look, the bodies were dragged aside. Someone tried to clean this mess. But there is some fresh blood too. Fresh blood, not fresh dead.'

'We're going in' Hawke decided. 'We need to check whet happened.'

'Did someone told her she doesn't act rationaly?' She heard Anders behind her back.

'Calm down, Blondie, she has us to think for her. And you to patch her, if she gets hurt.

Hawke entered the cave.

If the mountain path was build by either elves or Tevinters, the cave looked like it was an offshot of Deep Roads. It might be: there was lots of entrances and underground pathways in Vinmark Mountains and they have allready seen some of them, while some were opened after the ill-fated expedition. This could also explain the presence of the dwarf among capured people: while Hawke never heard of slavers taking dwarfs this one could get into the wrong place in the wrong time, mayby just by exploring underground corridors.

The cave was lit by dym, red light. The air was thick and heavy, and the smell of blood didn't disappear, although there were no bodies inside, at least not at thie deepth.

'No traps either' Varric stated. 'Well, not the active ones. But there were some here... Somebody either turned them off or stepped at them.'

'And another dead here' Aveline said. 'And some more in the next chamber. Someone did the work for us.'

They heard echo of the steps in the distance. Someone was coming: only one person, slowly. There was also sound of steel grinding against the stone.

'Either somebody is wounded, or there is an undead ahead' Hawke said, redy to draw a sword.

The steps stopped suddenly.

They looked at each other, waiting. Finaly Hawke decided to act.

'Anybody here?!' she screamed. 'Show yourself!'

The voice came after another moment of silence.

'Is that you, Hawke?'

'Oh, Maker!' she exclaimed, relieved. 'Yes, It's us!'

She noticed a faint, white glow in the dark corridor, then white hair and spikes on the armpads. Fenris was walking slowly, draging his sword in one hand, while his other arm hanget in a strange way. He was covered in blood, probably also his own, but was alive and that was all that mattered to Hawke right now. She felt an urge to run to him and embrace him. She restrained herself from doing it.

'What are you doing here?' Fenris asked. He droped his sword and leaned against the wall. He looked wounded and tired.

'I could ask you the same. Is there anyone else in the caves?'

A corner of elf's mounth moved: an attempt of satisfied smile.

'All dead. The woman that lead them was a very nasty bitch.'

'Good she is not. Well, come on then. Leave this place.'

She smiled at him, waited till he come to the cave's exit, then followed him and the rest followed her.

She felt really akward. No matter, how happy and relieved she was, showing it didn't feel right. Any bigger outbrust of emotion could not be appriceated and could destroy the fragile balance she and Fenris created over the last years. She was always scared, that he would leave permamently once she would do something to harsh. She had decided to give him time, as much time as the elf would need. This wasn't the easiest decision ever, but Hawke kept saying to herself it's worth it.

Outside Fenris sat on one of the rocks. His arm still loked unwell and heven puting the sword on his back was too difficoult for him.

'Sorry. I'll be a bit slow.' He said.

Hawke, Varric and Aveline glanced at Anders.

'Blondie. You're the healer here.' the dwarf said.

Fenris frowned.

'If he doesn't want to touch me, I'm fine. I do well without magic. I'll recover'

'Actually, you seem to have your arm dislocated' Aveline said. 'I doubt It will heal itself so easily. Or, it will, but you'll never be able to hold a sword. We've seen men who weren't treated properly... I recall one of the refugees, who never regained full strenght. So even if Anders isn't healing you, someone needs to set your arm. No discussion.'

Fenris hesitated, then he looked at Hawke.

'Is that necessary?' he asked.

'I believe it is.'

'Very well. Can you do it?'

'I did it once... I think Anders will do it better, really.'

'He isn't touching me.'

She sighted.

'Ok. He isn't. I have some elfroot potions. Armour off.'

Fenris looked at her and blinked.

'Do I have to say it twice?' she asked. 'Take of your armour or I'll... I'll tell Aveline to hold you and Varric to strip you.'

He put his head down and started to unbuckle the straps holding his armor. Meanwhile Hawke opened her backpack to take out potions and bandages.

She really wanted to strangle Anders right now. He just stood there with his arms crossed and did nothing at all. Of course, it wasn't entierly his fault and maby it was better that way than forcing Fenris to accept healing. Situation wasn't critical after all so the mutual distrusst between the elf and the apostate could be easily managed.

Nevertheless, Anders annoyed Hawke. No matter, that she realised she probably didn't threat him the way he deserved. She just couldn't stop. Especialy now.

But now it was about Fenris and when it was about Fenris she was close to being blind. She realised this. She couldn't help it.

Fenris took his armor off and Hawke must have forced herself not to stare at him more, than it was necessary. Despite that an awkard silence fell, with all her friends present looking away.

'All right' she said, taking the place behind Fenris' back. It was easier to pretend now that avoiding each other's eyes is natural. 'Let's do it.'

She grabed his arm and rised it.

'I will hurt' she warned.

'I've endured worse.' he said.

There was a little crack, when the joint went back to it's place, but no sound out of Fenris' mounth. Not that he was resistant to pain more than the others, but as he said: he endured far worse.

'Now you can tell us what happened' Varric said as the elf's arm was held in place by several bandages.

'No time. There is more of them at the coast.'

'Well, not anymore. Hawke dealt with them. That's how she learned they were after you.'

'Thank you then' Fenris said, looking at her.

Hawke noded.

'It's all right. So? I secound Varric's question. You were out of Kirkwall for a long time.

The elf shruged.

'Thing just got complicated, I went west, towards Ostwick. I got this rumor of a bigger net of slavers, so I wanted to investigate.'

'And you went alone?' Aveline asked.

Fenris shruged again.

'Never thought of it. Wanted to get rid of them. I heard rumors of this woman named Devera. She used to work in Ferelden during the last blight, her master had some dealings with the current regent...'

'With Loghain. I heard the story' Anders put in. 'But I've also heard, from a very good informed source, that this operation was stopped, the slavers killed and the whole situation used as one of charges against Loghain.'

'Well, this woman escaped this fate, aparently. Started her own... buissnes. Had contracts with several people. If you go into the cave and serch her body, you'll find some papers and letters. Killing her was pleasure.' He said the last words with satisfaction. 'Do you have some booze maybe? I'm not expecting wine, so anything will do, no matter, how bad it is.'

Varric took a bottle out of his backpack.

'Serve yourself. But don't drink too much, I don't expect you want to be carried down the mountain.'

'I don't' Fenris admited.

He took a sip and continued:

'She was smart. Resorcefull. After her master was killed in Denerim she took care of... well, what he was doing. Avoided Ferelden, I suppose, she had a very good reason to do so. I startet to take out her people one by one. And she noticed it of course. Did her own research, as it turned out.' Fenris frowned. 'She learned I' more valuable alive, than dead, so she contacted... interested parties and promised to deliever me. Well, she took her chance. I took mine.'

Aveline crossed hands on her chest.

'That was stupid. Extreamly. She was prepared.'

'She was.'

'And Hawke was worried' Varric aded.

Hawke turned her head away.

'Well...' she said. 'I was. That is normal in such a situation, isn't it?'

'Probably is' Fenris agreed. 'Well, I went after one of her groups here and managed to kill them, before she ambushed me. And she managed to defeat me, I admit, she was good. They knocked me down, made preparations to deliever me to the coast and meeting point.'

While listening to this Hawke bit her lips. Anger burned inside her. She thought she wants that woman, Devera, to be alive, only to kill her again.

Had she come sooner...

But, after all, she didn't come too late.

'And after all' Fenris continued. 'It turned out she might have been prepared for fighting me, but not for anything more than that. No chains can hold me for long and she witnessed it. I was lucky I managed to take her by surprise, I admit.' He grined 'She underestimated me. And that's the moment you have come. That's all.'

Hawke noded.

'I'm glad you made it. Don't do it again, all right?'

'All right. I won't.'

Fenris was silent until much later, when they were going down the mountain. Then he managed to come nearer Hawke, so thant noone except her could hear him.

'I want you to know, that I' glad you came.' he said. 'I appriceate it. Really'

She shruged.

'As I said. It was obvious thing to do.'

'Varric says you were worried.'

Hawke sighted.

'Well, probably more than I should be, but yes.'

There was a moment of silence and Hawke thought, the conversation is over, but it wasn't.

'I... I believe it can be nice. To know that someone cares. Thank you, Mel... Hawke.'

She smiled. To herself mostly, but that was enough.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post it for Valentine's Day. I managed on Fanworks Day, which is also good.
> 
> I toyed a little with the idea of my Hawke saving Fenris, but he is not a damsel in distress and can do it on his own. That's what I wanted to show here: that Mel thinks she should take care for him, but while he might need support, he doesn't need saving.
> 
> And I have this feeling I'm really unjust to Anders here (but that is also how Mel sees him). I'll make up for this.
> 
> My Warden spared Devera. I don't think it was particulary wise.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Warden learned of the death of one of her friends.

MEMORIES OF ANDERS

 

From the walls of the Vigil's Keep the view was magnificent. That's why she came here so often: to feel the wind bringing the smell of the forest, the mountains, the sea. To Have a little peace under the open sky. Sometimes she consider building a tent ontop of one of the towers and to sleep there. She was slowly getting used to sleeping inside though. Maybe it's time to change the habits? Born Dalish, Saliya wasn't shure if she could call herself Dalish anymore. She had her chance to return to her clan and she rejected it. Leaving the Wardens would gfeel like betryal, but she missed open spaces, forests and sleeping under the stars.

So she went to the walls when she wanted to be alone with the air and wind. Here the noises form below the keep came muffled, if they could be heard at all. Here she could hear the birds approaching their nests and in the night a wolves hunting in the distance. She sat down, closed her eyes and she was again with people she had lost: with her friends from the clan, the Keeper, Ashalle, Merrill, even Tamlen, although thinking of him was painfull. She closed her eyes and her freinds were there by her side, like they were in countless nights in the camp, days on the road and fights. Alistair wasn't a king, Morrigan didn't left. Zevran was back, not somewhere in the distant Antiva, playing catch and chase with the Crows.

But when she opened her eyes she was still here: Vigil's Keep, still ruined after the darkspawn attack, still unfamiliar, still not her home.

And she was still alone.

She sighted and lay down on the warm stones. Closed her eyes again.

She probably had fallen asleep for a moment, but something warm and moist woke her up with kisses.

'Zev...' she murmurred, until she realised, that the tongue licking her face belongs not to her lover, but to a cat. 'Oh, hello, Ser Pounce-a-lot' she said.

The cat meowed. Saliya sat up and put him on her lap. The cat curled into w bun and started to purr.

'Well' she said, stroking his fur. 'You're enough I guess.'

Soon she heard footsteps and a voice:

'Kitty, kitty, where are you, Ser Pounce-a-lot?'

'Here, Anders!' Saliya answered.

'Oh, hello Commander! You've found my cat!'

'He found me.'

'May I?' the mage asked.

'Of course'

He sat next to her. The cat decided not to change his place however. The Commanders lap was a good place to rest.

'Oh, you're a lucky cat' Anders said. 'I think you've found the best place on this wall.

Saliya frowned.

'Anders...' she started with a warning voice.

'Did I do something wrong, Commander?'

'No. Yes. No. Oh, sweet Mythal...'

'I don't understand....'

'First, don't „Commander” me, all right? I have a name and I'm tired of people not using it. Either „the Grey Warden” or „Commander” or even „arlessa”. You can call me Saliya. That's my name.'

'All right. And?'

She felt uncomrortable. The conversation she was going to have with Anders was to be difficould.

'Anders' she said. She wasn't looking at the mage, but at the cat sleeping on her lap. 'Anders, I don't know what to do with you.'

He shivered.

'What? Commander... do you want to... to give me... back... to the Templars...'

'What?! Anders, no! Never! That's not what I had on my mind!'

'So I don't understand.'

'Sweet Mythal... Anders, I'd never give you to them! First, You're a Grey Warden now and you're under my command! Secound, you're my friend!'

'That's good. So... what is the problem?'

'The problem is, that you say things sometimes I don't understand. Like this one now, with my lap being a good place'

'For a cat, I guess.'

'I'm not sure when I hear this, you know.'

Anders looked at her for a silent moment.

'Oh. Oh. I... I get it. You think I might... Oh, Maker, no, Commander... I mean Saliya! I'm not trying to pick you up! No! You got me wrong!'

She breathe a sigh of relief.

'Really?'

'I was trying to be nice, you know, but I've never... I'm sorry if I made feel you disturbed.'

She smiled.

'Thanks. You're my friend and I'd hate to hurt you. I almost did it once and I never want to do it again.'

'What have you done?'

'I have a very special friend' she said. 'And once when I told him he is special for me he mistook it for something else. I was just a Dalish girl separated from her clan, I needed a friend badly... well, I need friends now too... anyway, I cleared it instantly, before we made more mistakes. Luckily for both of us and our friendship.'

'And where is he now, this friend of yours?'

She laughted.

'Rulling the kingdom of course!'

'Ah. I think... I've met him.'

'I hope he will pay us a longer visit soon' she said. 'I miss him so much.'

'And' Anders asked slowly 'I've heard from Oghren you have a lover? Or had? I couldn't get it, Oghren was totally drunk and was missing a point.'

Saliya smiled.

'If it was over, maybe I wasn't so scared about your feelings... But even then I can't see myself attracted to a shem... to a human, I mean.'

Anders laughted.

'Thats a relief. I can't see myself attracted to an elf. So, what is with your boyfriend?'

'He went... back to Antiva. For a while.'

'Whaitaminute...' Anders frowned 'Antiva? And you shure he is not...?'

'He is an assassin, Anders. He was hired to kill me.'

'Now that's crazy. Are you shure he won't do it again?'

'Yes, I am. He will be back, eventualy, you know. And you will get to meet him.'

'Is that a threat?'

'Maybe. Hey, You and Zevran will like each other, you'll see!'

'I', not turning my back on him!'

Saliya laghted.

'I can imagine that!'

'Oh. Oh. Yeah. Right.'

Anders laughted too.

They were both sitting on the walls, talking for a long time, until Varel came in search for the Commander.

***

That was many years ago.

Today the day was beautiful, the air smelled of summer flowers and sea salt. She remembered a similar day when she was sitting on the Keep's walls with a friend by her side.

Now she was sitting here with her chin pressed to the knees and crying.

Being alone wasn't probably the best solution, but she needed to act strong. She still was commander of the Grey Wardens and ruler of Amaranthine. Over the years she earned confidence and learned how to deal with all her responsibilities.

She didn't learn how to deal with a friends death.

She never thought it would be so hard. How many years have passed? But still hearing what happened hurt so much.

'Anders, you stupid, stupid shemlen, you should stay here.' she muttered to herself. 'Why?'

She felt the tears flowing from her eyes. She felt like what happened was partialy her fault.

'I should have told Justice to go away. I should have find a way for him to go back to the Fade... I should... I should keep Anders here.'

She knew it was never an option. Anders' idea of freedom had excluded being bound to any organization and probably the Wardens would have eventually appear to him as oppresive, as the Circle. He wanted to know he was free to go whereever he wanted, so he went: to Kirkwall, when he eventually killed houndreds of people and then died.

It was not Anders, that man who had died in Kirkwall. Not the Anders she had known, at least. Not her kind, awkward friend. It was someone else, bitter, full of hatred, posessed by a demon-turned spirit. It was not the Anders she hed known. It was not Justice she had known. It was another being, a corrupted fusion of the two. It should have been killed. Hawke had made the right choice.

But then, Anders was dead. Anders was dead.

The woman who had killed him was doing her best to explain her decision. Saliya understood her. Maybe she would make the same. Maybe not. Melinda Hawke had problems with Anders the commander of the Wardens had never have. There was somethin... something bad, something unpleasant. Not hatred, but still there was lots of hard feelings betwen Anderes and Mel.

How different can be one person percieved. How can one person change.

Saliya stood up, wiped away her tears.

What had happened, had happened. Nothing could change it.

***

After Anders left, Saliya found his letter.:

_Commander!_

_I'm sorry I'm leaving. Escaping again. I guess that is my nature. I hate being bound, although i can appriceate what you've done to me. But I can't see myself being part of anything opressive, and the Grey Wardens are opressive. For me at last. I cannot change. I tried. I can't._

_I guess it will stay inside me for ever. The taint I mean. I guess I'll be regreting it one day. I'll take my chance though._

_I want you to know you were my friend and I'll never forget what have you done fro me. I'll miss you and our talks on the walls. I'm sorry I didn't get to see the king paying you a freindly visit. Or that I've never had the chance to meet this Antivan assassin of your's. Tell him to take care for you, because I'll be back to kill him if he hurts you. (No, don't use it against me. I'm not coming back.)_

_Take care of Ser Punce-a-lot. I'm afraid I can't take him with me. I'll miss him. I think I'll find another cat wherever I'll be._

_Always your friend,_

_Anders._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said: I needed to do some *khem* justice to Anders. I is not bad, and while Mel had serious problems with him, Saliya liked him.  
> The situation with mistaken feeleings is based on Anders behaviour and the bug in Awakening (high approval is described as love, although there are no romance options in the game).


	10. Chapter 10

 CARVER'S STORY

 

The old fortress kept hundreds of soldiers. More of them stayed outside the walls, but the Hawke siblings was among those lucky ones who stationed inside.

'We are near the king now' Melinda said. 'He may even grace us with his gaze.'

She was sitting lying on her bedroll with her arms crossed under her head. Her cheeks were still red and swollen and the fresh tattoos on them looked nasty. Mel was never a beauty and now she looked horrible. She didn't seem to care though. Actually she was in an excellent mood.

Carver thought it was probably because she proved again thet she is better than him. When he had decided to make himself a tattoo, she had laughed.

'Where, dear brother? Really? Oh, what a proof of your courage!' she had said.

Then she had asked the artist to tattoo her cheeks.

'You look like a wild elf now, sis' Carver has told her after. 'A very big, ugly wild elf with red face.'

Mel had just laughed again.

'A scary, scary Dalish elf! Good. The darkspawn will be too busy wondering what they see!'

That was Mel. Eager, reckless, always thinking she's funny, rude. She always knew how to make her brother feel inferior. And even before the great battle she seemed that she doesn't care. Carver could imagine her charging the biggest group of darkspawn on sight. Stupid, reckless elder sister.

A small group consisting of three human men and a red-haired elf girl passed the Hawke siblings heading towards the gate.

'And where are those going?' Carver wondered. 'Seen it, Mel? The girl is Dalish. I thought all the Dalish escaped.'

Melinda nodded.

'I think' she said 'Those are the Grey Wardens. I mean, that young man is, the other are recruits. I heard they are going to perform some kind of ritual later in the evening. Would you like to join them, brother?'

'No way! They are creepy. And I've heard they have to drink darkspawn blood!'

'But then they are better at killing them. I'd consider it if I were you.'

Carver gave his sister furious glance.

'Then go yourself! Break mother's heart if that ritual kills you. Go ahead.'

Mel just shrugged.

'Nah, I'm too pretty to die.'

He looked at her swollen, red cheeks.

'Riiight. Sure you are, sis.'

The Warden recruits passed the gate and disappeared. The sun stood high in the noon, but was dimmed by the faint mist. The air was thick, heavy. Carver wondered if it's because of the proximity of the Wilds, or caused by the Blight.

Mel stood up.

'Come on, brother, let's practice.'

She picked up her sword, Carver took his. He charged first, the blades grind against each other.

Mel was high, broad-shouldered, unlike graceful, slender Bethany. Carver, being more like his twin, never grew higher than her. He was also slightly weaker and that made him furious sometimes. How come Melinda was better than him? Older, stronger, parent's favorite, still threating him and Bethany like kids.

He growled, attacked again. Mel wobbled, fell on the ground. He stood above her with his sword pointing at her throat.

'You loose, sister.'

'And you went on me like if I was drakspawn' she laughed. 'Do the same in the battle, and we win! Just don't mistake me with a hurlock.'

Someone laugted and Carver thought, it wasn't funny at all.

Mel stood up. One of the soldiers came to her, asking if she was all right. Carver recognized him: they met few days ago and he was flirting shamelessly with Mel ever since. The soldier was obviously elfblooded, with narrow, delicate face and long auburn hair. Carver wouldn't suppose someone like him would like his sister, but he guessed people can have strange tastes. That Mel liked him was no surprise, considering her former love interest.

Carver watched Mel walking aside with the soldier. He knew her to well: she was going to take her chance before the battle. Not that he didn't understand it but really, really wanted to interfere or say something unpleasant.

He kicked a nearby stone and started walking. Below the walls he saw barricades, other soldiers waiting for the battle, scouts heading into the forest. Inside the tower the atmosphere was tense. The Chantry priestess lead the prayers, hoping form Maker and Andraste's help. Inside the king's tent Carver heard someone exchanging opinions in a rather upset voices. He felt tempted to stay and overhear, but the guards didn't seem to appreciate the idea.

In the distance, in the forest and mountain, the darkspawn waited.

***

There was the signal to attack. By Carver's side Mel grinned.

'Let's show them, brother!' she said.

How eager she was to fight. How careless she was, charging on the approaching enemy. Was that her way to deal with the fear, or haven't she felt the fear at all? Carver was scared. The night was falling and the forest burned. The smell of smoke filled the air. Ther will be blood soon. Lots of blood.

How he wanted to back off. He couldn't.

He saw them: the darkspawn horde approaching out the burning forest. The tall hurlocks and stocky genlocks – he had already seen them. But the horned ogre marching among them – that was the monstrosity Carver had only heart about. Until now.

Mel clutched the hilt of her sword. She was not smiling anymore, but her expression was far from fear. It was more determination. Carver envied her right now, probably more than ever.

He heard order to attack and what happened after was a hell. Those minutes he remembered as chaos. The enemy approaching, screams, blood everywhere, darkspawn's beastly growls, somebody falling, Mel with her eyes burning like fire, his sword cutting deep into hurlock's flesh and grinding on a bone. An ogre charging nearby, leaving a trail of crushed bodies.

Then someone screamed. Carver heard the words, but it come hard for him to understand their meaning. Then somebody told them again, closer.

'Betrayal! We were betrayed!'

'Loghain's army retreats!'

'The king had fallen!'

This was the moment the battle changed to a slaughter.

Flee! - Carver thought. There was no chance to win and the others was now escaping while the darkspawn chased them.

'Mel!' Carver screamed. 'Mel! Melinda!'

No sign of his sister. Did he escaped? Was she dead?

He heard a piercing sound behind him, unlike anything he had heard before. He turned around just in time to block the attack. The creature was a darkspawn, but Carver had never seen any darspawn like that. He saw some more in the distance, chasing the soldiers.

He cut, avoided the strike and cut again to kill the creature.

'Melinda!' he screamed again, unlikely to be heard.

I should go. He thought.

I can't leave her. He thought.

But there was no way to search for Melinda in this madness.

'Maker help me' he said to himself and crouched in a hole behind a big rock. If it was true, that the darkspawn could smell human beings, he was as good as dead. Yet the thought of leaving his sister – alive or dead – behind was unbearable. He must have taken the chance, no matter what.

He lie his sword on the ground, took out the dagger and kept it ready. If any of the darkspawn approached, it wouldn't find Carver Hawke defenseless.

He could consider himself lucky, for the darspwan was too busy chasing the others. He waited: he didn’t knew for how long, minutes or hours. Each moment spent in waiting was endless. Each could cost Melinda her life.

Finally he decided to go out of his hiding place.

There were bodies everywhere: the humans and the darkspawn. Some massacred, torn in halves with their skulls smashed with mighty blows, limbs cut off, insides torn out. Smell of blood and excrements, foul stench of the darkspawn.

Someone was screaming from pain. Carver saw a man wiggling in agony, trying to push his bowels back inside his stomach. Two darkspawn approached him, grabbed his arms and dragged him behind them, while he still screamed.

They drag humans underground. They eat them.

That was what somebody said. They thought then it was just a horrible rumor, but right now Carver was ready to believe it.

Where are you, Mel? He thought.

How to find one woman on a battle field full of dead and dying people and the monstrosities that caused it? Was she still there, or did she escaped, or worse?

Then he saw her. Melinda was lying in the red mud, with blood on her forehead. Unconsious or dead: he couldn't tell.

But he culd suspect she was still alive, for there was a hurlock bending over her.

'Mel!' Carver screamed and run at the creature.

The hurlock didn't expect such a sudden attack. It tried to jump out of Carvers way, but he was faster and his attack was strong enough to fall the darkspawn on the ground. Before it managed to get up, Carver pierced it with his blade.

He kneel beside his sister, touched her neck. She was alive, that was one good thing.

Worse, that her hair was thick from blood, most of it probably her own. One of her legs was apparently broken and there was a nasty wound in her side.

'Hold on, Mel. I'm getting you out of here.' he said. 'I'm not going to let you die, sis!'

He threw his sword and took another, one handed. It would be impossible to drag both two-handed sword and uncosious Melinda. Either way the way out of the battlefield was a nightmare. Mel woke up several times, then she fell unconsious again, each time carver wasn't sure: is his sister alive? Is she dying? He had to carry her and watch out for darkspawn – and plenty of them strived on the Ostagar fields, killing the survivors or dragging them away. The things Carver saw that day hunted him is his dreams for the rest of his life: there were human bodies impaled on the barricades, there was the smell of burned flesh. There was a darkspawn cutting out pieces of a fallen soldier and eating them. Carver could just hope the soldier was alive.

There were also others survivors, trying to escape or begging for help. And Carver could do nothing. His sister was more important than all those unknown man and women. Even if he found the king he would leave him. No matter, how Melinda annoyed him: she was his sister and Malcolm and Leandra Hawke learned their children that caring for each other is the most important thing family can do.

Then they managed to reach the edge of Korkari Wilds. Here he found some other survivors. They didn’t have any pontions, only raw elfroot found in the swamps. But they had bandages and warm water and helped Carver to tend Mel’s wounds. She woke up again, looked around.

‘What a good place for a holiday’ she said and probably for the first time in his life Carver thought, he is happy to hear her joking.

***

He never told her the story of how he saved her. She was spared the horrors of the battlefield. He on the other hand had to live with them. They managed to gather a group of survivors, find a broken cart to carry the most wounded – Mel among them – and leave the Wilds. There were some people that claimed the Wilds are the best hiding place, but others decided the famed Witch is maybe even more dangerous than the darkspawn. So they left – towards Lothering, toward home. They all knew that probably even there they aren’t safe.

‘I is Blight’ Carver said to his sister as they traveled. She was sitting on the cart with the rest of wounded. He walked beside her. ‘What else could it be?’

‘A darkspawn picnic apparently’ Mel answered.

Someone laughted. Someone made disgusted noise.

‘I’m glad you’re all right sis.’

‘I’ve seen better days’ she said.

She had bandages allover her stomach, chest and head, leg held in place, some scratches all over her face and arms. The fresh tattoos on her cheeks was the best part of her right now.

‘I just hope mother won’t kill us.’

‘Why should she, Carver? We are alive. Though I’m kind of immobilized right now. But as long as we both live...’

As long as they both lived.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And no som DA:I stuff :)

DEATH OF THE KEEPER

Her life was long and she dies old, unexpectedly for herself, as she says she should have been eaten by a dragon or assassinated at a ball in orlesian court. Of the people she knew in her young days no one lives anymore. Lot of clan's children she kept on her lap died already. Of those who live no one remembers, how old she actually is.  
All of the people gathered around Keeper's deathbed know the legends: she fought demons, she saved the world, she talked to gods. She is the priestess of Mythal, the first one in centuries and the goddess speaks to her. She is the first of the Dalish to have her face bare and somehow it's connected to the special reverence she has to Fen'Harel, the god still considered evil force by other clans.

She had a long, fulfilling life, a hero in her youth, a Keeper, scholar and teacher in her older days and now she is dying, surrounded by her people. Her First holds her hand and tears flow on his cheeks. He always loved her deeply, treated her as his mother. She herself never had children, never married and had never taken a lover, although she sometimes mentions that she loved someone in her past: one love in her life, like in an old legend. And this love is a legend, because she never decided to tell the details. There are some stories in other sources: some Inquisition archives mention an elven apostate of unknown origin, a book written by a dwarf named Tethras suggests some deeper feelings. But none of those sources gives the details, even the name of the apostate is uncertain, yet alone his fate.

Even with the love of her life long gone, the Keeper always seemed to be a happy person. And she dies like one, peaceful and with smile on her face. It seems as if she just chose to pass now, without pain, without suffering. She smiles to her first, to other members of her clan, wishes them good lives for themselves, blesses the children brought to her, while the children's parent can't stop tears. The dying Keeper smiles, tells them to stop it.

'Do not mourn me, It's just time for me.' she says. 'I achieved many things, destroyed as many, and I don't regret any moment of my life.'

Then she looks between the people that gathered and smiles widely.

'So you came after all' she says.

And her clan looks around expecting to see somebody entering the room, bot no one is there. And as they look at their Keeper, she is dead.


End file.
